One of the most complex aspects of life is change or transition. It is complex in that change or transitions will occur within our lives whether we are prepared or not. It is complex in the way that it can be both exciting and terrifying at the same time. The first part of change or transition is identifying when life is ready for a change or transition. Here are 3 ways to better identify when life can be asking for a change or transition.

  1. Lack of personal growth or fulfillment
    1. The treadmill of life just as the treadmill in the gym will go nowhere. Very much like the hamster on the wheel. A simple way of looking at this process is by evaluating our situation. If we notice feelings of being stuck or in a repeated rut, life can be seeking a change of some kind. We as people thrive on the process of growing, learning, connecting, and experiencing. If this is how you are feeling just remember you can stop the treadmill and try a jog outside.  
  2. Misalignment with values and passions
    1. Within every person is a set of core beliefs and values. Individuals all have an inherent core set of values that create drive, passion, and behaviors that guide us through life. If you are feeling a sense of emptiness and unhappiness, life can be seeking a change. It is important to listen to our inner voice, our inner voice knows what makes us most happy and fulfilled. If you are struggling with feelings of emptiness and unhappiness try sitting down and writing down your core values, beliefs, and pillars. If you are not meeting your core values, beliefs, and pillars a transition in life could be needed.
  3. Repeated patterns with negative outcomes (discontent or dissatisfaction)
    1. Every person has a little voice in their head that tells them that something is not right, it is generally one of the first things we ignore. The inner voice that every person has is your biggest supporter and ally and when other things are taking up too much space in our head or other voices are louder than our own, it can be quite confusing and damaging. If we learn tools and schemes to help us quiet down the noise around us it becomes easier to understand and hear what needs to be changed or reconfigured. The problem is, that we tend to ignore these things that are most able to help us better understand what we are missing to live a more fulfilled and purposeful life. If you find yourself continuously trying to fit the triangle in the square space it is time to humble yourself and ask your inner voice what needs to change. If you have found yourself in a perpetuating cycle or pattern that continues to produce negative outcomes or feelings, it is time to question if what you are doing is best for you. If your continued patterns continue to produce negative outcomes, discontent, and dissatisfaction your life may be asking for a new transitional phase which should be embraced and pursued.

These 3 basic points are just a start in the change or transition process. In all cases and situations, these 3 points are multilayered and multifaceted. If you are struggling with the process or understanding of life transitions and change, therapy can be beneficial in helping to better understand and plan for change or transition. As the Greek philosopher, Heraclitus stated that the only constant in life is change. If we take this idea and believe it then it will help transition change from something to fear to something to embrace.

Our journeys in life can be profound in many ways but often our journey is highlighted by moments of change and transition. It is within those moments of change and transition that our sense of self gets tested. But what we need to realize and understand is that we are stronger and wiser than we give ourselves credit for. Remember, we have all been successful at one time or another at a transition or change. 

Life events can be stressful, some life events that come to mind are.

  • Graduating high school
  • Going to college
  • Marriage 
  • Moving out of your parent’s home
  • Purchasing your first home
  • New employment 
  • Divorce 
  • Death 
  • Turning 50 years old 
  • Going back to school 
  • Careers

A very simple concept to buy into is understanding that life events and transitions are as stressful as we make them, quite frankly, it’s all about the mindset that we carry during these moments of transition. When changes or transitions occur, they reflect a variety of life’s stressors, factors, and triggers but we control how we interpret them. Our interpretation then determines how those stressors, factors, and triggers impact our daily lives. 

8 tips to help manage life transitions:

  1. Be Mindful: Learn to focus on the now and on the change itself. What does that change signify for the person and why is it so stressful? When we make big life decisions and changes we tend to get caught up in what the future holds. Learn to accept where you are and take everything else step by step.
  2. Focus: Learn to focus less on what can go wrong and make the effort to focus on the potential positive outcome associated with the change. Create a list and write down all of the positives that can occur as a result of this transition or change, who knows, it may even help get you excited about the coming change or transition. 
  3. Plan: Will things always work according to plan? Most likely no, but we must. The good thing about having a plan is that it will help you get back on track if you fall off. Plans will never work out exactly how we make them so it is important to go into transitions with a plan and an understanding that plans change and sometimes we have to make adjustments as we go. But if a big transition or change is coming like retirement, moving out, or starting a new school or college plan ahead. If a bug transition or plan is coming and we know ahead of time, a plan will be the best opportunity we have to be successful and be prepared for it. 
  4. Reflection: Use reflection during times of transition to reflect on where your life has been and where it is going. Use reflection to find your strength and to help remind yourself that you have been successful in the past when it comes to change and transition. What helped you then may help you now. What made you resilient? What motivated you? We must use reflection to find our perspective so we can go get it. 
  5. Realize that change is inherent to life: Change is natural, no one ever gets through life without undergoing some kind of change. It’s part of our world. Think about the seasons and how they change, birth to death, careers change, day to night. Change can sometimes be scary, stressful, sad, and fun and at times it can incorporate all of those feelings. But since change is a part of life we should not fight those moments of transition and instead embrace them. I read this beautiful comparison while researching this topic that stated that trees need to get blown around by the wind, this is how they develop strong roots. Change is going to happen, but it will also help us develop good coping skills which will help us move through transitions smoothly. 
  6. Self-care: Make time to take care of yourself, it’s important. A healthy diet, exercise, rest, and using leisure time appropriately will not only help you during moments of change and transition but will also help you help those around you better. At times we will have no control over change or transition but what we can control is what we incorporate into our routine, yoga, meditation, mindfulness, nature walks, jogging, exercising, etc. 
  7. Tap into your support system: It is crucial during change and transition to have a support team behind you that you can rely on. When we share our experiences, when we are empathetic towards ourselves and others, and when we learn from each other are the times that we develop strength and coping skills to get through a difficult change or transition. Do not be afraid to build new communities and new connections either. When we develop a sense of universality and kinship we expand our resources and give ourselves the ability to learn from others who have experienced similar situations. 
  8. Take things one step at a time: Please be mindful to be respectful of yourself. Change and transition can be difficult, accepting that we will not always be able to adapt to change right away is a normal part of life. Be realistic as to what to expect from yourself and be realistic as to what steps you can take to effectively cope with this change. 

Be kind to yourself and try your best with transition and change. Following these simple 8 reminders can be helpful when making difficult transitions in life. Change and transition are supposed to challenge our sense of self and our beliefs. Do your best to be in the now and to remember what you stand for. But most importantly, understand that change and transition can be hard and if you need help, reach out to a professional for guidance, ultimately it takes a village. As the Greek philosopher, Heraclitus stated, “the only thing constant is change.”

Luis Miguel Amador
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