Relationships can be a very complicated mechanism to work with. That mechanism becomes more complicated when we have not developed communication skills. Communication is the successful conveying or sharing of ideas. Communication is the act or process of exchanging words, sounds, signs, or behaviors to exchange or express information, ideas, thoughts, and feelings. 

 

All healthy relationships have good communication. There is an old saying that states communication is key. Although relationships will naturally go through ups and downs and will undoubtedly involve some kind of conflict, our goal is to learn how to effectively communicate so we can lessen conflict. If communication is key, it is on us to use that key to unlock 4 doors that will help us become better communicators. 

 

Door Number 1: Listen to Hear & Not to Respond

 

When we listen to respond we have subconsciously told our brains to prepare a rebuttal or response. It is important to pay attention to this door as when we listen to respond we have not taken the time to understand the other person’s point of view. We should strive to listen to hear. This means giving time to hear what the other person is saying. One of the biggest mistakes we make in conversations is preparing how we are going to respond to a person while the person is still expressing themselves. By doing this action we have now become uninterested in what is being said and run the chance of missing the major point that was trying to be explained. When we listen to hear we become active listeners which means we are interested in what is being said, we become more curious and less anticipatory. A great way to get better at this skill is practicing mindfulness skills. To learn more about mindfulness skills click here. 

 

Door Number 2: Try to See the Other Side 

 

In conversations, there will always be multiple points of view. If the conversation involves conflict we are often trying to get the other person to understand or see things the way we see them. When we have conversations we want to feel understood and heard. The way we can convey understanding and active listening is by doing our best to see what the other person is seeing. This means changing our lens and working to put our vision to the side while we explore these new sights. But most importantly, if you don’t get the other side, continue to ask questions until you do. The best way for us to get our point across is by understanding the other side. 

 

Door Number 3: Don’t be a Mindreader

 

When people have been in a relationship for a long time we often will hear them say that they know what their partner is thinking or they will say that their partner has a good idea of what they need. While this is cool and possibly true at points, it needs to be the exception and not the rule. Do not assume that your partner can read your mind, doing this can cause more conflict. To avoid this conflict, express yourself and say what you need. It is also important to note that we as people change over time. Our interests change, our desires change, and what you need and want at the beginning of the relationship may be different now. So if you find yourself continually getting mad, resentful, or angry when your partner gets it wrong, tell them what you need so they can get it right. 

 

Door Number 4: Compromise 

 

Healthy relationships are built on compromise. If you are expecting to get what you want 100% of the time in a relationship then you will 100% eventually be disappointed. The moment that we try to win an argument we have all lost. It is important to get rid of the mentality that tells us to win the argument because where there is a winner you will also find a loser and in a relationship, no one should be a loser. Instead of trying to win an argument, we should strive to find a middle ground or compromise. Understanding your partner’s values and what is important to them is the first step in being able to build compromise. 

 

Communication is the key to building healthy relationships. This is true for all relationships, romantic, personal, and work-related, even with pets. We have to understand that communication is a skill and like most skills, it will take time to develop and master. But by having this key and being mindful of the four doors we are inviting healthy relationships to stay a while. 

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